Things To Live By

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When I first heard this song, I realized it was a love song. But, I felt as though it were a song more appropriate for myself.

Our lives are built around a conception we have of our Selves. And I am afraid, sometimes, to step outside that conception of my Self, and outside those walls I have built around my Self. Time tells me to be bolder now.

And I know, I am just a child at heart – but I’m getting older too..

There is a line from a movie that I’ve always loved.. It is a moment she has least confidence in herself, and She tells him: “I’m going back to LA. No more trying to be something I’m not”. He replies, “What if you’re trying to be something you are?”.. The concept of becoming what someone is: to Be always Becoming.

The song asks, “can I handle the seasons of my life?”. Cliché would dictate that yes, yes you can handle anything. But as the song answers honestly, “I don’t know”. And while that isn’t the most optimistic answer, it is the most authentic.

In a way, there is almost something exciting about not knowing. It’s a challenge. You don’t know what you can handle, till you come right up to the edge of it. You don’t know the seasons of your life, till you brave right through them.

.. Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
I don’t know..

But I’ve been afraid of changing
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you (you: my Self)
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older too ..

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I’ve moved to the East Coast, it’s very different from the suburbia I was living in Southern California. I’m in a studio apartment, whereas I’d previously been living in a family home. I didn’t bring my car with me, so I’m now experiencing the world of public transportation.

My university campus is open, with a city-feel. Streets run through it, as do a few rats, I noticed. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve gotten lost! In California I’d been attending a closed-campus, where the only thing that ran through it were bike lanes and fluffy bunnies and squirrels.

But, I love the Metro entrance to my university here. You stand at the bottom, and the escalator takes you up, and up. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, a pianist is playing right by it. So as you walk to class, you do it with a little swirl in your walk, to go along with the melodies.